What Are You Thinking Right Now?
by Raicheda
Summary: It's troublesome times like these that allen just wants to stop thinking, rather he needs to talk to someone, but who is there to turn to, he's a traitor to the order and he refuses to become a noah. Allens thoughts wonder and bring up memories of things said; it's mostly 'His' fault but still, he refuses to think of THAT. Allens p.o.v various anime and manga moments.


I think the title really suits this piece of work, you'll see why.

Disclaimer: if I owned D.G.M I'd … Hold on, my thoughts are giving me an epic nosebleed  
but yeah I don't.  
D.G.M belongs to Katsura Hoshino sama who I hear may be coming back but only releasing something like 4 chapters a year (quarterly style you know) at least thats what I heard on the grapevine.

* * *

 **What are you thinking right now?**

I whispered a name into the dark emptiness of my rented bedroom, the Name was like Rich Dark Chocolate on my tongue, and not neccesarily in a good way, the name left twisted feelings in it's wake; That name, That Bitter name that haunted me in both his sleep and waking hours.

" _ **What did you want to talk about, Lord Tyki Mikk. Or should I call you, Sticky Fingers the Evil Bum?"**_

" _ **Don't be so Harsh, Boy. You've got to be the first exorcist to force a Noah to strip to his underwear. Don't you think our meeting was Fated?"**_

" _ **Not Really, I've caused tons of people to strip down to their underwear playing cards."**_

" _ **Oh. What a dark thing to say. Are You Really Fifteen"**_

" _ **Is this about my innocence?"**_

" _ **To Tell the truth I was pretty shocked when I heard about it. It really seemed as though I'd destroyed it."**_

" _ **But you Didn't, it's still right here."**_

The memory triggered a faint fear in me at the loss of my innocence, i didn't even register the movement as my hand reached up to my shoulder, tracing the innocence down and along it's length with my fingertips; my brain seemed to settle at the reassurance, allowing me to go back to my unwelcome thoughts.

" _ **Oh? Have you become interested in innocence now, Tyki"**_

" _ **A Bit"**_

Back then I didn't like it, I didn't like Tykis interest in crowned clown at all and yet…, but I still hated it less than the way the order scrutinized her, it felt as if they were going to take her away from me, and I overheard whispers that the vattican was tempted to. Tykis interest in that department was like a simple observation and thus it was far more welcome than the orders more invasive glares, As sudden as the thought came i shook my head Tyki was the one who had previously destroyed her after all, still the desire to run from the order and hide crowned clown was there, and that fateful day with link, apocryphos, tyki and road, the opportunity was… and though they had come to save me i had turned them down by going off on my own after road had disappeared and tyki was busy

" _ **I don't hate you boy, but…"**_

" _ **Allen!"**_

" _ **You know, Tyki also Likes allen quite a bit. Don't Interfere"**_

I needed to Stop thinking. To Just Stop.

" _ **Boy, What are you thinking right now?"**_

That you're a Noah but the more we meet the more you seem human, _or am I beginning to understand the Noah better?_ And wasn't that a terrifying thought, the Noah are the enemy. I wish to save them. _What from?_ _Theirselves? The order? Why did I want to save them?_ They were human once too, _were we? Was any of us ever human to begin with?_

" _ **I can pass through anything i touch at will. That includes walking on air. I possess the right to pass through all things in this world; However, your innocence is a different story, it's such a nuisance since it's not of this world."**_

It didn't matter, it was in the past, and yet his words bothered me. At Best I am human

" _ **did you hear, that walker might be a Noah Pawn"**_

At Least I Am Allen Walker

" _ **the fourteenth Noah"**_

Am i?

Who am i? if not allen.

Crowned Clown activates on her own wrapping her white feathery cloak around me, embracing me, I remove my hands from their tight grasp on my hair and wipe away the stray tears that dare show weakness. My activated innocence's presence allows myself to focus more on the present, I can feel her gentle hum in the back of my mind, it's soothing, I didn't realise how exhausted I was till she was physically by my side. her mask rounds from behind me to in front of me, the feathery cloak following her, and I can feel her beckon me towards the bed from the desk I was sitting at, she's right though, I do need to sleep, to keep up my energy. I need to leave this town tomorrow, 'else the akuma, noah, apocryphos or The order.

" _ **Why do you think allen?! Because we're Friends!"**_

Crowned clown was still activated as I lay in the bed, it was slightly uncomfortable but I didn't budge. My hands find their way to crowned clowns cloak and I begin stroking through the feathers both upset at what apocryphos had done to her, despite the softness of the feathers being comforting, and it was that comfort I sought for much lately, it was the only thing keeping me calm enough despite my troublesome situation, and soon, I wouldn't have the energy to keep doing so anymore, crowned clown requires constant refuelling after all. I fear what I will do when this comes to be.

I opened my mouth partially to speak to her, but closed it knowing she understood and there was nothing to tell her, undecisive I wanted to speak, needed to speak to someone who understood, I feel like I'm going crazy all those who I could speak to either thought me a traitor, was my enemy or was, well I'd rather die than spend time with apocryphos, and tim, although it was by his side also, tim hadn't been the same since cross-

" _ **Control the ark, Allen! Play while concentrating on your wish!"**_

" _ **W-Wish?"**_

" _ **Quickly!"**_

" _ **Wish."**_

" _ **My Wish is to, stop the Ark's download…My wish…"**_

" _ **Can't you think of one? When everyone comes back, we'll say welcome back and pat their backs, then I'll hug lenalee as tightly as I can, And I'll let you eat as much as you want, Allen-Kun"**_

I really needed to stop thinking, another wave of tears escaped my eyes, but crowned clown was already wiping them away when I noticed

" _ **Lavi'll probably fall asleep somewhere, so we'll have to cover him with a blanke, The adults will want to toast with a glass of wine. If we could party then fall asleep, that'd be best."**_

Crowned clown has formed a bit of her feathery cloak and is stroking my hair the rest of her being draped across me as if a safety net, protecting me, hiding me from the world.

" _ **Then Kanda-Kun will come in with a sour face"**_

I roll off my back and onto my side to get closer to crowned clown and Once more a whisper enters the room again calling that damned name that's caused so much internal turmoil.

"Tyki"

I didn't even know I had spoken again, I was so tired, physically, mentally, emotionally and I was lonely.

" _ **Wait…If you don't want me to see it, that's fine, but please don't go any further into that dark place"**_

" _ **Come…it's rude to keep the Earl waiting"**_

Finally crowned clowns humming in my head and her feathery cloak lull me to sleep, it isn't as peaceful as I want it, but nothing is these days

" _ **I'm Sorry, but I'm Glad you're safe"**_

* * *

So who wants to tell me what they think of this, and what their perspective of this sees, an easy example is what do you think the pairing is, if there is one. Although I would like to see some elaborate theoretical views on what I was aiming for here.


End file.
